Saturday, 13 December 2008
Remember all those emails we get throughout the years?
Here are just some of them...
I wanted to thank you all for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat pooh in
the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But
that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are
sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the
senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to
seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it
probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will pooh on your head at 4:00pm
tomorrow afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read
their emails while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Have you ever wondered how pro bloggers keep
up with all the information flying around in
their market niches? I've always thought the
task of grabbing constant, up to date market
intel was a pain.
At the same time, I know what it means to
know everything your market is talking
about, asking about, frustrated about, and,
what your competition is up to,
There's a new free tool out called Blog Talk
Monitor where you can "watch" the
information in your market float by on your
Think of the power of knowing exactly what's
going on all around you in your niche at the
push of a button!
You should play with this software today and
see how powerful it is. I can't believe the
stuff I am finding with it!
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Leave a Comment Please.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Christmas Story - an antidote to all that mushy stuff...
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum.. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had
drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he
accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of
little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the
broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
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Friday, 5 December 2008
Jim knows what he's talking about:
Watch Jim Edwards 2009 Predictions & Trends Vìdeo:
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We are all faced with mounting problems getting email out to our lists. Spam filters and places like AOL
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Tuesday, 2 December 2008
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After helping more than half of his members increase their monthly income so drastically in just 9 short
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